i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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