the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
