I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
