I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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