I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
