Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
