we have officially lost it.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Someone came in the potted fern
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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