What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
