P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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