by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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