atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
