i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
