i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
