You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
