evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sobbing to NWA
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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