I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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