I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
false alarm, still single
Randomize