Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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