found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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