i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
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you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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