party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
