I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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