i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
