This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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