in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
