So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
