I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
