i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
