just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize