There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
