ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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