Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
