So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
