i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
