Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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