I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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