Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
