I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
