I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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