Im at strip club and am horny
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
