so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
