what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
