i was born a porn star she said
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am mentally ready for anal.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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