woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
