Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
