bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize