If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
