xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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