You can't special order awesome
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
