What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sorry my hands just texted you
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
