No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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