She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
