Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
and she was petting her beer can
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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