he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
