I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
