her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
