Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
