what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
