Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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