He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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