The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
