When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
pop tarts are not kleenex
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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