But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
