but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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