Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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