Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
