I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
