the day after is always just damage control
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
