Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize