haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
