If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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