My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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