Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
