i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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