No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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