I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
