I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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