Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
