You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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