the condom got lost in my hair
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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