I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
