...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
