Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
