I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Come share oat with me in your robe
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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