I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
