i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
