Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize