hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
