piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize