Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
