Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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