wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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