I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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