i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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