wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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