I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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