coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
