If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize