the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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