I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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