I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize