So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
