Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
