hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
