Dual....:-)
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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